


After

by GhostOcelot



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: After DA:2, Angst, Ashen Hawke, Confusing, Custom Hawke nongen, Purple Hawke but he's in the gutter so no fun, Weird, if someone wants to change that tag to 'm hawke freeform'' you can suck my entire asshole, probably, warrior hawke- Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-03
Updated: 2014-11-03
Packaged: 2018-02-23 23:55:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2560466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostOcelot/pseuds/GhostOcelot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fenris left with Hawke after the explosion, and so did Anders. Confusion in the aftermath.</p>
            </blockquote>





	After

It wasn't easy, and it wasn't stylish, but they were still alive and that was more than they could say about others.

Hawke hadn't realised how pampered he really was, especially in comparison to the apostate and ex-slaves he now kept exclusive company of.

What had he spent, maybe 3 days without a roof? He spent time in the army, but they had a purpose, and food every day. In Kirkwall he had Gamlen, for better or for worse. And of course in Lothering, even as a mage family, they still managed to have a roof over their heads and cheese in their stomachs.

He never did understand how Fenris could so easily live in that mansion, full of abhorrent corpses and riddled with destruction. At least, he couldn't understand before. It seemed easier now, that there was nothing left to protect aside from their own lives.

Lothering had taken a blow out of Hawke, but it was nothing like this. Nearly 10 years of life in Kirkwall. He never thought it would be that long. He lost Carver in Lothering, and Bethany left on borrowed time for the Grey Wardens. Mother was dead, and Father had died a long time before. Gamlen had made it clear he was not welcome as an escapee, no matter how well they had gotten along in recent years. Everyone else...was on the run, also.

He couldn't not leave without Fenris. Even when Fenris had left him, he had still just taken all 3 years in stride and waited it out, and like a love-sick fawn he fell right back into the broody elf's arms, as if it were just yesterday he'd made his breath hitch in his throat with a single smile. He didn't hold it against him, the contrary. He felt bad about it, like Fenris was settling for him, especially considering everything.

He knew very well what Fenris' views were. He knew how he felt about mages. But...Beth and Dad were both amazing. Merrill was great even with all the bloodmagic. And Anders...well, he was fantastic, all things considered. Hawke could never conciliate the two, even if they were both on practically the same side. They were too close to the problem, and he couldn't blame them for keeping to their own. It was painful to watch the two tear into each other.

Varric always made light of it, at least as much as he could, but there were both stubborn. So stubborn in fact only the final battle managed to shut them both up.

Hawke didn't even think about it, he couldn't continue without Fenris, but he couldn't either without Anders. He just grabbed Anders and hoped Fenris would follow...and he did. He didn't deserve Fenris to follow him but...

When Fenris looked at him, he understood. Fenris understood him, on a level Hawke didn't understand himself. Fenris was giving him break.

He didn't insult Anders or treat him badly, though he didn't speak or look at him much. He took the lead in fact, since Hawke was obviously crap at this stuff and Anders was in no state to even dress himself.

They skitted along the coast as fast as they had could, staying to caves and such. Luckily the battle had left Kirkwall in a bit of a state, so noone from there was after them, though there were others looking for them, Champion of Kirkwall and Co.

They had absolutely no idea where to go from here. Well, aside from away from who was following them, but still. Hawke felt like he was leading Fenris on- he knew he could make it on his own, but with a wanted apostate and a reclaimed champion as baggage this wasn't looking pretty.

It was kind of weird, this reminded him of Beth and Carver, except this time Hawke was Beth and the other two where the idiots who couldn't reconcile to save their lives.

They wandered off and Hawke wasn't sure what direction they were going, he was awful with maps, but they were safe so far. They roused the suspicion of a lot of people, but they did manage a night or two in a few inns whey passed by. They looked weird enough on their own, not to mention when they asked to share a room all three of them together.

It felt like months had passed before any of them said anything coherent. Anders looked dead inside and there was no notice of Justice anywhere. Fenris was stoic, more so than usual. It wasn't easy for them, and Hawke didn't have any people skills for this situation at all.

He tried though, he tried to fix their clothes and keep them fed as well as he could, and tried not to complain since this whole thing was really his fault for being so useless in everything. He hated how he hadn't learnt any real skills in his whole life. He couldn't make salves, potions or fix broken things. His people skills were limited to bad jokes, insulting people and pretending people hadn't said anything when he didn't know how to answer them. He was even useless as a fighter, only barely managing to take down the Arishok. Fenris and Anders had all the survival skills, so he should be the social one, but it couldn't work.

Nearly three months had passed since the battle before Fenris touched him again, and Hawke nearly cried at how pathetic he felt because of everything. It wasn't until another month later they actually managed to be intimate, and it felt like two teenagers in a barn rutting like animals rather than the experienced adults they were, and after it was awkward and Fenris left Hawke and Anders for a few days without saying anything.

Hawke and Anders were very close here. They pretended like nothing had happened when they were alone, sitting in a room with nothing to do but wait. They'd smile at each other and hold hands and just sit together. Anders no longer wrote manifestos and he rarely used magic, and if felt like he was withering away and Hawke was the only thing he was holding on to, like a lifeline.

Time would show them it would be better, Hawke thought. The battle at Kirkwall would have happened either way. The situation was dire, and the chantry was useless and the number one problem in the first place, getting everyone into that situation. Maybe there was somewhere they could go away from everyhting untill they all felt better. Have a break or something.

When Fenris came back he would give Hawke a lot of reaffirming touches. He would pat his shoulder or give him a half hug or brush hair out of his face. It took weeks for Fenris to smile at him genuinely, but it happened, and it felt like things were getting better.

He started to push Anders along, too, like a child almost. If he had resentment, he was keeping it to himself. Anders wasn't an active threat anymore. He was just a broke down guy with his life dissolved and a lot of weight on his shoulders. This guy, was broken. Other mages where the problem now.

The times they all managed to sleep on a bed, Hawk slept in the centre and hugged both Fenris and Anders to him like a child with stuffed toys. If they mind, they don't say anything about it, and the next they they're both as perky as they can be, considering who they are.

It feels like it won't take long for the people who are hunting them to find them, but they're still moving, and Anders has started to use magic again and Fenris is back to his regular broody-affectionate self. Hawke doesn't feel tip-top, but they liven his spirits and he takes up his sword with unequal enthusiasm to face whomever comes.


End file.
